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Movie Reviews
Timeline
I was interested in this movie because the book that it is based on is one of my favorites. So I looked into it and I read a bunch of reviews and pretty much unanimously, they said it was a resounding flop. Well, let ME tell you something, it may not be nearly as good as the book, but if you don't compare the two, the movie is actually quite good.
Basically, if you're looking for an action movie, this is for you. Even though it's about time travel, it doesn't make much of a sci-fi movie. Most of it takes place in the 14th century, during the 100 years war (which really lasted 117 years) between the French and the British. Yeah, so it is really a Medieval action flick. But don't fret sci-fi fans, there is some technicality involved. You see, a major tech company was trying to make a "3-D fax machine" AKA teleporter, but accidentally made a time machine, or rather a connection to a wormhole that leads back to 1357 AD. The company funded an archaeological dig excavating the ruins of castles during that era, giving clues of what they'd find and where they'd find them. Sooner or later, the head archaeologist (Edward Johnston, played by Bill Connolly) grew suspicious, and confronted the President of the company. Long story short, he's transported back, and it's up to his colleagues (including his son) to go back and retrieve him.
The movie follows the book pretty accurately but with less detail about the technology (at least, according to my memory of the story), so fans of the book can rest assured. Only the ending is very different. The acting has been accused of being stale by critics, but I would disagree. Except on the part of Peter Walker (who plays Chris, Edward's son), in which case I agree strongly if not even more severely. What more can you expect from a prettyboy from Fast and Furious? Other than that, the acting was excellent.
Other critics accuse it of whimsical humor and being unintentionally Monty Python-esque which detract from the feeling of danger that should pervade life at that time. To that I say, "What were you smoking?" I don't know about them, but there was cold sweat on my palms during some of the movie. Then again, my palms do sweat a lot...
Whatever. All I say is, give the movie a chance. Screw the critics - they're just fat snobs anyways. You may like it. I did. Oh, and I thought it was cool that the Merovingian (Frenchman) from the Matrix played Lord Arnaut. Awesome.
RATING: 8/10
Together
I take it that most, if not all, of you haven't heard of this film. Understandable, because this is a Chinese foreign film (A.K.A. made in China and the language spoken in the movie is Chinese), but no matter how unknown this movie is or how much you hate the Chinese (by the way if you do, you shouldn't be on this web site), I definitely recommend it. It's only playing in a few theaters, - the ones that aren't so obsessed with earning big money that they will play excellent foreign and independent films - but I'm sure you can find it. Oh yeah, don't worry if you don't understand Chinese, there's English subtitles.
It's about a shy 13-year-old boy, Liu Xiaochun, who has been playing violin since he was three years old. He moves from his small, rural hometown to the metropolis of Beijing with his father to enter a competition (in which he places fifth even though he's the best one there - you can figure out why). His father is very enthusiastic about making his son a great violinist because his mom left the boy when he was two years old and only left the violin (although later we find out that it is a different story). The whole movie is about the boy's journey and struggles in his social life, father's expectations, and professors. Along the way, the boy befriends Lili, who spends most of her time at nightclubs, and whose own sort of social lessons offer a distraction from his violin training. And after leaving his first professor, who lives in a run-down house with street cats and makes Xiaochun do housechores most of the time during lessons, because his dad forced him to, he went to live with another, richer professor and in the end enters a international competition. It's hard to tell you the details of the story (which really are the reason the movie is so touching) without going on and on and on, which I don't think you want to read.
In short, I highly recommend this movie to anyone, but especially if you play violin or any other instrument. Even if you don't understand Chinese, I think anyone will enjoy this touching and slightly humorous story about the struggles of a young violinist. I think one of the best "details" about this movie is that the actors are actually playing the violin and not faking it. So watch this movie!
Bruce Almighty
Ah, the long-awaited Jim Carrey film by the director of Liar Liar, and if a film like Liar Liar is what you're looking for, this is the perfect film for you. If you haven't seen Liar Liar, well, a) You must have been born yesterday. OR b) "You are a huge nerd..." in the inimitable words of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
Anyways, back to the movie at hand. Bruce Almighty can hardly be called blasphemous (anti-religious) more than you can call the French anti-American. It's just trying to find something that is interesting, poses a "what if" situation (what Carrey is no doubt, specialized at), and most of all, tries to make the audience laugh, in which, I say, it succeeds.
Here's the plot, and this summary will be a little longer than usual because it's just genius: Bruce Nolan is an "ordinary" guy who is a reporter "in the field" for his local news station in Buffalo. His talent is making people laugh while covering normally uninteresting topics, but he's not very happy for his job. Let me put it this way, he gets to cover a story about a bakery with two dull, ESL, nose-picking bakers about "Buffalo's new largest cookie" while his rival, an untalented snob, gets the story about the mayor's scandal and obviously the sweeps (fancy T.V. term for the time when producers are looking for new shows to back). Then, when he finally gets to do a live report at the Niagra Falls, he finds out that his "friend" received the coveted anchor position that he was so eager to fill. It wasn't pretty. He went crazy during the broadcast and was fired, tried to save a hobo from gangsters, was beaten up, got in a fight with his girlfriend (Jennifer Aniston), and ran his car into a pole. Who else was to blame? Why, God, of course.
He gets this mysterious beeper call, which he assumes is a wrong number, but it comes again and again. He finally gets fed up and calls the number, which refers him to an obscure address. He finds himself at an old rundown building called "Omnipresent," and learns that God is tired of his whining. God, played by Morgan Freeman, who, in my opinion, does an excellent job of portraying the mysterious and all-knowing being, endows Bruce with all his powers, but only for the city of Buffalo. Well, of course, Bruce has his fun - making his life perfect: gives his girlfriend bigger breasts, pulls the moon in closer for a romantic evening (which later causes a huge tidal wave), parting the waters of his tomato soup, making a monkey come out of the butt of one of the gangsters who beat him up and spitting out locusts at the others, etc. But finally he has to get to business - answering prayers. In one of the funnier scenes in the movie, Bruce contemplates how to store all the prayers. First he tries file cabinets which fill up the living room of his apartment, then he tries post-it notes, which cover the entire apartment, and finally he resorts to e-mails. *Ding* You've got 1,659,597 prayers. He decides to get some coffee (for obvious reasons) and suddenly the Mexican guy that is on the symbol for Columbian coffee pops up at his window and pours him some fresh coffee. He answers the e-mails using his uber fast typing skills, but gets 3,456,294 more right afterwards! He finally gets fed up and answers YES to all the prayers.
Bruce then decides to get his job back. He makes outrageous events happen using his powers, but since he always knows where they are, he becomes known as Mr. Exclusive and becomes the pride of his old news station. In the funniest scene in the movie, Carrey calls back his gibberish-talking skills from Liar Liar and demolishes his rival's career during a live broadcast. He retypes the script on the teleprompter to include outrageous comments, makes his voice sound heliumized, and again does that crazy gibbering. Of course you have to see this to find out how funny it really is. Bruce gets the anchor job.
But soon, things take a turn for the worse. By answering all the prayers he creates thousands of lottery winners who each only win $17. This creates a outrage. Also, a meteor that he created to get his job back causes power outages during his first broadcast as anchor, and Buffalo's hockey team wins the Stanley Cup, creating riots everywhere. Most importantly, his girlfriend splits up with him because she catches him kissing his beautiful co-anchor (Catherine Bell). It is then that Bruce finally learns that, in the words of Spiderman's granddaddy, "With great power comes great responsibility." Watch the movie to find out what happens.
I loved this movie. It had a blend of Jim Carrey quasi-slapstick humor combined with an interesting topic combined with occational seriousness from relationships and Bruce's troubles. Even though the topic has been used, all the previous films just focus on the side of how the people use the power for their own purposes. Bruce Almighty provides an wacky, hilarious twist as well as touching upon the more serious aspects of wielding power. I highly recommend this film.
Anger Management
This is a typical Adam Sandler movie, but it's funny nonetheless. Jack Nickelson does a great job (in my humble opinion) playing the eccentric anger management doctor.
The plot? Sandler is a quiet hard-working man named David Buznik who works for a tyrannical boss who tells him to do all of the work. His girlfriend thinks he should stand up to the tyranny, but instead, he takes the pain and does his job. (Without giving me away the big surprise, as those of you who have seen the movie may know) Sandler boards a plane for a business trip, when he realizes he doesn't have any headphones. He asks the flight attendant for a pair, but she keeps telling him to calm down and stop screaming. This is kind of one of those things you have to see to be funny, but after a hilarious argument, Sandler gets taken off the plane, and sentenced to an anger management class that is taught by Dr. Buddy Ridel, whom "coincidentally" was his annoying seat partner on the plane.
Soon, Buznik gets into some more trouble when he accidentally hits a waitress in the face with an old blind man's cane while trying to break up a fight, and is sentenced to Buddy's intensive anger management treatment. Buddy moves in with Dave and monitors his every move. I don't want to ruin this movie for y'all, so go watch it!
I think this movie shines with the type of comedy that Sandler is such an expert at (crude and sometimes sadistical). My favorite scene? Dave was late for work, and he was driving rapidly with Buddy when Buddy suddenly pulls the emergency brake. Dave is still in shock while Buddy explains that he has too much anger and whips out a copy of the "timeless, lyrical melodies of Steven Sondheim and Leonard Bernstein" A.K.A. "I Feel Pretty." After he sings the orchestral introduction a couple times, Dave finally realizes that he must sing the song to get to work. So he does. "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and happy and gay!" All the while, drivers stuck behind him are driving by and screaming debasing things at him. It is classic. So go watch this movie if you haven't already.
Shanghai Knights
This is a very entertaining movie for all of you Jackie Chan fans out there. There's tons of action and subtle humor that most of you idiots probably won't pick up. Although it suffers from sequelitis (repeated jokes from Shanghai Noon), I still thought watching the movie was an overall positive experience.
It stars Jackie Chan as "John Wayne," the Chinese imperial guard who decided to stay in America, and Owen Wilson as "Roy o'Bannon," a womanizing egotist who is a finantial ignoramus. It picks off right where Shanghai Noon left off (if haven't seen Shanghai Noon, do I seem like I care?) - John is a sheriff in the wild west and Roy has moved to New York, spent all of the gold investing in zepplins and is working as a waiter. John's father was killed and the imperial seal (the symbol of the emperor) was stolen. John's sister, Lin, (played by Fann Wong, a beautiful actress from Singapore) tracked down the murderer to London and John and Roy get back together to solve the crime and get revenge. In a nutshell - they find out that the queen of England's nephew stole the seal and made a deal with the Chinese emperor's brother that gave the brother the seal and nephew the crown of England (the brother of the emperor invented a machine gun that could kill the royal family when they are sitting together for the queen's processional.) Whew! Try to say that ten times quickly! Of course, in the end; John, Lin, and Roy save the day; and John, Roy and Arthur Conan Doyle (it's hard to explain) get knighted.
For those of you who are interested (losers), in a scene near the end, when the emperor's brother was ordering an underling to kill Lin when the fireworks started, the captions don't match what he's saying in Chinese.
This movie is filled with well choreographed fight scenes great jokes (as well as some lame ones), and some serious parts as well (about Chinese pride and family). I would highly recommend this movie to a friend.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Most of you have probably seen this hilarous spoof by the Monty Python cast, but what the heck, I'll put a review here anyway.
It tells the story of King Arthur and his quest for the Holy Grail. Along the way, he recruites knights of great virtue - including Sir Lancelot the Brave, Sir Gallahad the Pure, and Sir Robin the Not-so-Brave-as-Lancelot, who wet his pants at a battle. With these knights he encounters the crazy French soldiers who "fart in their general direction!" Soon they split up, and each of them follows their own path of treachery. Will the knights survive the horrible bunny rabbit? Will King Arthur reach the castle of Argh and claim the Holy Grail? What is the average speed of an African swallow? Find out by renting this movie.
Sure, this must be the most horribly planned film ever, it gets a little repetitive, and the ending is very stupid. And sure, it's ridiculous to even think about cutting down a tree with a herring, but who cares? This is still a very entertaining film filled with outrageous farce and funny quips.
Like the Sir Robin song? Well, if you want to see the lyrics, just visit the La La Land page!
Kung Pow: Enter the Fist
You know how I said all things that are funny are stupid these days in "La La Land"? Well, this movie is really pushing it. IT'S SO STUPID THAT IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!
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